Marriage: Love in arranged marriage

Hi everyone, valentines week just

Arranged marriage

passed away and i got to spend valentine's day in special way with my husband. It was our first valentine day together and he made this day memorable for me. I have never celebrated this day before, not like i didn't date or had a guy, because i didn't believed in celebrating love for a "particular week" out of 365 days.

To me it was always another way, i believed to express love to my loved ones all 365 days . So for a girl like me it was a memorable and special experience as i was made feel extra special and that too from a guy to whom i always thought not so cheesy when it comes to expressing love verbally, and a guy living with whom was a miserable experience at first.

I am an Indian girl where arrange marriages are still considered better and acceptable by society and also by my parents. I always had a mindset to marry with my parents blessings but have also read cases of women being beaten in marriage, controlled what to wear, restricted interactions, controlled careers and earnings, these cases left a bad impression of marriage on me and i was convinced that i must find a suitable match for myself because i believed my parents are too naive and they will be coned by anyone eventually destroying my life but destiny had another plans waiting for me.

I was set  for an arranged marriage meeting, in India for every young boy/girl a time comes when their family start showing them pictures of relevant matches and marriage becomes the only topic of discussion in all family gatherings. Dealing with such a scenario makes every bachelor nervous, thought of leaving  your comfort zone and settling down with a stranger is enough to make you nervous. After all marriage perhaps is the single biggest decision that has a huge impact on course of your life.

But anyhow I decided to meet the guy and everything changed since then, we met twice and i had a positive vibe and i said yes immediately, later on i got nervous too,but he was such a calm and nice person so trusted my instinct and married him. Also i had a history of making bad choices and this time everyone was happy with my decision for the first time .

Our courtship period was not as heavenly as others, we didn't even get to meet as we both were living in different cities and had our busy lives, we used to talk daily on phone calls but always lacked topics, we both were scared sometimes and used to discuss our fears regarding this relationship as we were different personalities, but somehow we made through our 4 months courtship period and got married .The only thing that helped us through this period is our trust on ourselves and trust on each other that we are never going to hurt each other .

Arranged marriage 

Finally we got married and started living together, but again due to my studies we parted and lived in different cities for three months after marriage, things got worse. We were two different people who  had completely different visions, he was always mature and practical while i was non focused, an immature mess and too emotional. I believed in verbal expression of love while he believed in expression through actions. We didn't get to spend much time together and parted with lots of differences and this created distance between us.

I then realized that we must start living together and know each other better otherwise our marriage will be over soon. But more troubles were waiting in our way, in initial two-three months after i went to live with him we faced worst in our relationship. We both were trying hard to change each other, we both were expecting each other to change but despite of everything we tried things were getting worst.

Once we had a big fight and we both thought that better we should take divorce but I always had a positive instinct towards this relationship and i had already developed soft corner for him so i said we should give this relationship a single last chance. But things didn't changed suddenly because we were still expecting and trying hard to push our self to maintain this relationship, we both were suffocating somewhere.

One day we stopped trying to change for each other and also stopped expecting each other to change. Things started to change then, suffocation was no more and we started enjoying with each other because we started to accept each other the way we are.

Arranged marriage

I accepted his way of expression, he accepted the way i make decisions and change them very fast. I accepted that he doesn't tolerate lies and certain things, he accepted that i need to be tackled with love and many more things we accepted and without putting an effort we started doing those things. Things started to turn around slowly and in next 2-3 months everything changed between us. I went to my mother's place for a month and he expressed through words how much he missed me, that was the time when we both realized that we can't live without each other.

And we are just going to complete our first year together after 3 days, I am happy that we are in love, there are no restrictions, no compulsions, no expectations, we simply express each day how we feel for each other, he still doesn't says I LOVE YOU often but i still feel his love through his actions. 

I hope this story of mine might help you in your marriage too, if you are expecting anything from your life partner then stop it today, don't keep even a little expectation and then whatever you receive, will become a bonus. 

My advice to everyone who is married or getting married, no matter what kind of marriage you go for always remember to keep your expectations at lowest level, don't  bring ego between you and your beloved and love them unconditionally.